You know you're a true peasant when ...

[CelticRambler]

... the highlight of your day is finding two extra jars in the press that you didn't know you had. Empty jars - to put soup into.

Have just made 3 litres of tomato soup, and thought I had only 3 of the 600ml jars I usually use (the others having been filled last week) ... but woohooo, I discovered two more, way in the back of the empty-jars press ... so no need to do complicated maths tonight!

[isha]

...you are dragging the long rod with the flat round base out of the brambles to plunger the pipe in the septic tank to unblock it and get it going again.

Well, you did ask.

[Cyclepath]

Aaah memories of France.... having the aul' septic tank emptied by a chap with a big tanker truck and a yellow complexion and then getting it restarted with a box of powdered enzymes and some very old cheese - a neighbour swore by that method!

[isha]

Dead animals is what I was told. Hurl in the dead rats

[Cyclepath]

I heard the dead rat theory too! but herself drew the line on that one

Have to say though, I definitely don't miss having a septic tank especially a french one - like we had 2 hectares but the previous owners put the tank 4 metres away from the house

That occasional waft of sh*te through the kitchen window whenever the wind turned .

[Apelles]

Had the septic tank emptied earlier in the year, walked over to the two lads doing the work who were in hysterics laughing at the amount of used, tied condoms that had swollen-up like little balloons and were floating along the top of my tank. There seemed to be hundreds of em, the lads were joking they'd never seen so many together in one tank.

It did look funny alright but I embarrassingly tried to explain that they weren't my condoms at all, that I've actually had the snip and these probably belonged to some of my older offspring and their visiting partners. That only made the situation worse as the lads then disappeared off into the lorry cab were I could still hear them breaking their holes laughing at the sight of it along with my dubious explanation.

My dear departed uncle used to put dead rabbits and crows that already carried maggots in his septic tank . . I reckon he'd have never in his lifetime even seen a condom, and he definitely wouldn't have recommended using used ones to boost the septic tank bacteria.

[CelticRambler]

Please tell us you made a point of explaining to all your offspring (not just the older ones) that nothing should go in a septic tank other than pee, poo and paper. Or at least put a sign up to that effect.

[CelticRambler]

Have to say though, I definitely don't miss having a septic tank especially a french one - like we had 2 hectares but the previous owners put the tank 4 metres away from the house

Lucky you - mine is 50cm from the back wall!

[isha]

You know you're a true peasant when the miserably small potatoes you wrestled from the clutches of morose clay and omnipresent horsetail root used up more calories to harvest than you will get from the eating of them
Terrible potatoes this year. And I don't want to hear, Celtic, about your potatoes that are all the size of a football.

[Apelles]

Please tell us you made a point of explaining to all your offspring (not just the older ones) that nothing should go in a septic tank other than pee, poo and paper. Or at least put a sign up to that effect.

I did indeed have that rather embarrassing conversation CR. After dinner around the dining table one evening when all the suspects were gathered together. Thankfully I didn't have to explain exactly what was in the septic tank for them to get the message. A few squirming red faces and lots of giggling from the younger ones.

[CelticRambler]

You know you're a true peasant when the miserably small potatoes you wrestled from the clutches of morose clay and omnipresent horsetail root used up more calories to harvest than you will get from the eating of them
Terrible potatoes this year. And I don't want to hear, Celtic, about your potatoes that are all the size of a football.

No worries on that score, isha. So far, mine have been very meh. Too hot, and too dry.

Still have to dig up my main crop, though. Should be feasible later this week, now that we've had (just about) enough rain to soften up the ground.

[Leg End Reject]

I did indeed have that rather embarrassing conversation CR. After dinner around the dining table one evening when all the suspects were gathered together. Thankfully I didn't have to explain exactly what was in the septic tank for them to get the message. A few squirming red faces and lots of giggling from the younger ones.

You should have taken a picture of them, then asked them if anyone knew what the hell they were and how they ended up in the septic tank with a very confused face.

[Apelles]

You should have taken a picture of them, then asked them if anyone knew what the hell they were and how they ended up in the septic tank with a very confused face.

Mmm . . A picture wouldn't have really worked because what was accompanying the condoms wouldn't have been a very nice subject matter . . Unless of course you're Piero Manzoni.

[Leg End Reject]

Mmm . . A picture wouldn't have really worked because what was accompanying the condoms wouldn't have been a very nice subject matter . . Unless of course you're Piero Manzoni.

You could have wondered if anyone had an undiagnosed gastrointestinal condition that caused them to excrete weird stuff in their poo. The graphic picture would just add to the discomfort, especially after dinner.

[JayZeus]

Well, this thread turned into a right load of shite.

[CelticRambler]

It makes for great fertiliser ... though maybe not if it's full of rubbers.

[Apelles]

It makes for great fertiliser ... though maybe not if it's full of rubbers.

Begs the question, where do they all end up ?
They're hardly biodegradable . . Probably landfill.
They'll be archeology students in a couple of thousand years time digging them up and extracting the DNA, while on the hunt for the elusive and by then, long extinct MC1R gene along with Cavendish bananas skins

[BrianD3]

Had the septic tank emptied earlier in the year, walked over to the two lads doing the work who were in hysterics laughing at the amount of used, tied condoms that had swollen-up like little balloons and were floating along the top of my tank. There seemed to be hundreds of em, the lads were joking they'd never seen so many together in one tank.

It did look funny alright but I embarrassingly tried to explain that they weren't my condoms at all, that I've actually had the snip and these probably belonged to some of my older offspring and their visiting partners. That only made the situation worse as the lads then disappeared off into the lorry cab were I could still hear them breaking their holes laughing at the sight of it along with my dubious explanation.

My dear departed uncle used to put dead rabbits and crows that already carried maggots in his septic tank . . I reckon he'd have never in his lifetime even seen a condom, and he definitely wouldn't have recommended using used ones to boost the septic tank bacteria.

Could have been worse - I used to work with wastewater systems and there were always rubbers in (or around due to overflowing) systems. On a couple of occasions, owners have concluded that their wives were having affairs based on this. I must admit to breaking my hole laughing afterwards.

Also I have seen the results of a hotel's malfunctioning wastewater system. Rubbers. Thousands of them in a shitty sludge on the ground around the system along with bloody tampons and other detritus.

[JayZeus]

Jaysus. People are dirtbags sometimes. Bleurghh.

[CelticRambler]

I gotta admit: when I found those two empty jars at the back of the press, I never thought it'd lead to talk of rubbery slurry, and so quickly too!

Must be something in the air - over on the Other Forum they're discussing whether it's even worth using them any more.

[BrianD3]

Everyone should visit a municipal waste water plant at some point. You might start having deep thoughts about life and human existence as you watch the sewage flow by, knowing that it contains thousands of people's sh*t, piss, blood, cum, vomit etc. that they discharged from their orifices.

Still, not nearly as disgusting as someone might think as sewage is mostly water and most "debris" is removed by screens, Augers etc. before the real treatment starts.

[isha]

I'm a true peasant because I raised my family with no indoor facilities. We had a compost toilet in the garden. Yes, we pooped outside, covered the poop in various forms of organic matter and composted it. It really makes fantastic compost. No condoms were harmed in the making of it.

[CelticRambler]

Compost toilets (indoor or outdoor) are very much in vogue in France at this time. Paying dearly for every flush concentrates the mind as it dilutes the contents of the bowl for no good reason.

Our festival in July switched to "dry" toilets several years ago, and the only complaint we've had from the many thousands of people who use them over the four/five days is that there aren't enough - so more are being built this year. The association hires them out to other events to help cover the cost of making them, although most local events have enough straw/sawdust/bamboo screens available to rig up their own facilities. I don't think I've seen a "portaloo" at any event here for ... ... ... ten years? Maybe more.

[nlgbbbblth]

My parents have a septic tank but I’ve never used it directly (i.e bypassed the toilet). Is this normal?

[Leg End Reject]

My parents have a septic tank but I’ve never used it directly (i.e bypassed the toilet). Is this normal?

We can only hope it is.